Questions without answers

Am I lost completely in thought?
Or is this the beginning or the end of my days?
Do I believe this as truth brought?
Or is it that I can't quite see through this haze?

A melancholic gaze across the thin fabric of time, edges tattered and frayed.
So many rips, tears, and loose threads, this the life from whence I've strayed.

I look back on a blackened past, am I meant now to beg forgiveness?

How did I make all those selfish decisions?

Why did I keep creating all my own prisons?

Why with such pain and misery have I thrived?

How have I always been the one that survived?

A sure way to end me is through my open heart.
No matter how many times, or how hard I fought.
I'm nearly dead inside, how long 'til I come apart?
Must some lessons be learned instead of taught?

I did die in that car wreck, why was I allowed/forced to come back?
And the bullet from a .45, how did he miss from nearly point blank?
Then 480 volts sent everything slo-mo,  who might I have to thank?
.....i could go on and on.....continue remembering why i drank.....

I used to think there must be some reason, why have I been kept around?
But now more than ever I question, are my answers not meant to be found?

I stand quivering atop a cold, stark precipice, is this insanity or another illusion?
I stare down into its darkness, a high price, is my life now but another intrusion?

Is this how I was meant to end? Or was my true destiny cheated and ill-played?
A cursed path, my heart a final time stolen-
My stare is again empty, numb, and frozen-
Goosebumps spring up on my skin and march behind this teasing jagged blade...