Masquerade

the day when you feel so lost
so unwanted
so undeserving
so....wrong
that day began
or more over
has begun
for many
atleast once
i never understood
why i'm here
why i'm there
why i live
what can i do
but breathe
and stay
because
to call this living
that would be the greatest lie
i don't want to be here
at this point
but i am
i can never seem to change that
i see things everyday
things that shouldn't be seen
shouldn't be done
shouldn't be known
yet i see them
and i go through them
i try to help
but i fear i am lost
for i can't make a difference
i am put down
beaten
i am bruised
i can't stay
in this place
and they lie
cause it's called
LIFE
yet i could think to call it different
"time"
"place"
"evil"
"pain"
"sorrow"
"remorse"
and so much negativity
for this i'm seen as a pessimist
then tell me
tell me of what i should be optimistic about
look in my life
and you'll find you crossed a border
you walked straight into hell
you probably thought it wasn't real
that it was made up
well here it is
it's my home
my unfotunate home, it's true
because i not only have it
it has me
and i'm slowly burning
but i can't/don't/won't show the pain
the bs i go through
i try to save others from it
to ultimately save them from me
i try to hide
to stay away
to try to keep good in this place
but i'm not the only guest at this masquerade
i'm just one of the plainer masked
my mask is black and gray
yet it's not half and half
it is subtly mixed
you can't tell how mixed
until you are close enough to kiss that mask
the mask which i use to hide my pain
to hide my sorrow
to hide..... everything
i see the other guests
some more ellaborate than others
with their bright hues, feathers, jewels...
anything to sparkle and shine
but i'm comfortable to hide
to go into a corner
deep, dark, and far away
my mask is flimsy
so i don't push the limits
if i am ever put into the spot light
my mask will surly slip
it'll break
and i will have to leave the masquerade
so before that happens
if it ever does
i will be the first to say
welcome to the
Masquerade