who am I?

I find that things happen for a reason
don't know what the reason is
but it's there.....
though not always noticeable....
for those of you who know me
and even for those who don't
you may see I'm different
I know I am
not always in a good way
not always in a bad way
sometimes I'm just neutral
well, I'm 17
and I don't have many revenues
to let out my feelings
poetry is really all I have
to let my pain out
to show my joy
which I'm not supposed to show
in too great of amounts
or else I'm yelled at.....
for those who thinks that is stupid
I agree with you
but it's what I'm supposed to do
or rather, not supposed to do.....
I'm an expressive person
I end up always showing my heart on my sleeve
which just hurts me more in the long run
but I can't seem to help it......
it just goes that way
with no plan
no forethought
it just happens
and to see me
no one knows what to expect
what to think......
what to feel about me
I'm not emotional
but I am empathetic
which just hurts me more
cuz like I said
my heart is on my sleeve
on display for anyone to see......
I love people for them
I just need someone that will love me back
I just want, no, NEED someone to love me
someone that will see me truthfully
and like what they see
I'm no girly-girl
I'm more rough than that
I'm more a tom-girl....
and proud to be so.
Well, I'm still here
still breathing
still yearning
I can't stand it anymore
I want to scream
want to run
Idk where
Idk when
I just know I need to
that I need someone in my life
maybe he's here?
maybe he's gone?
well, I tried
I keep trying
I'm hard to see
I'm invisible
only when I'm good
but will I want to be bad?
just to be seen?
Idk....
and it's back to this
I can't always express myself freely
though people fear me
thinking that I'm terrible
but what cause do I give for them to fear me?
to hate me as they do?
I know I hate myself
because I'm not me.....
no.....
how can I be?
i still don't know me
I STILL DON'T KNOW ME!!!!!!!!
so who am i?