No one understands me. my mom was the oldest. it's not her nature to understand me. but she doesn't have to take amy's side on everything. it seems like everything i do is wrong. everyone in my family is against me. if mom were to see this, she'd probably just yell at me. she wouldn't think twice about it. i'm not saying she doesn't love me, it's just that i don't think she LIKES me. for example, she is constantly telling me that i wear too much black. i don't wear any more black than the next person. she just doesn't want me to know that she wants me to change. i have absolutely NO privacy. i share a room with amy. i have one small dresser. we have a desk, but amy takes over everything. i tried to put some of my stuff in it once, but she just threw everything on the floor. i'm last in everything in this family. no one cares about me. if they cared, i wouldn't be writing this in the first place. i'm just a waste of time and space to them. i can't stand my family. i have friends over once and they never want to come back. that's mainly because of my mom. most people lightem up when there's company. not her. she gets meaner. every single one of my friends is either afraid of her, hates her, or thinks she hates them. her main problem is that she has no sense of humor at all. no inner child. that's one of the reasons that i can't stand my fanily. i can't be myself around them. they have no sense of humor. i can never wait to go to school because i can be myself. i can be funny, i can laugh. i can be crasy. at home, i just sit there. any time i try to be myself, someone tells me to grow up, or they call me a freak. my mom literally tells me that the things i do are stupid. she says "why do you have to act so stupid? people are going to think you're retarted." it's fine when my friends call me weird or stupid or whatever, because it's all in fun, but it hurts when it's your own mom. my parents never even wanted me. i was "an accident" and "a mistake". i can't take it! i'm treated like crap in the place i'm supposed to call "shelter".