Words of a former Loser

you twisted me
you tortured me
you cast me out
when all i wanted was acceptance you denied me
when i tried and tried to change myself to become one of you
you laughed at me

and i thank you

because you helped forge me into what i have become

I DIED
and was reborn in a new form
i am forged and hardened
i am steel and hatred

all you fuckers who were so cool i see you now
you are nothing to me
you were mature and strong
you muscled early and had hair on your cocks
i still sounded like a girl when i was 16
and you let me know
i stilll sound like a girl now on the phone
but it does not matter

we graduated together you and i
you graduated from high school and i graduated from hell
you went out into the world and so did i

REALITY

you found that you were less than you thought you were
and i
found that i was so much more
i went into the woods with a chain saw and slaughtered trees
one after another they fell and my body grew lean and hard and tan
just short months after high school i discovered what my body could do
i did not have to be alone if i did not want to be

and i wasn't
i fucked and fucked and fucked
i found my GOD

sex

and my GOD was great
i saw the look in your eyes the few times we met
and i had a hot girl on my arm, on her way to my bed
i saw the wonder
the astonishment
i felt the POWER in the act of sex
the physical power the social power

i ruled you and you knew it
i was fucking whenever i wanted and you were jacking off

and my GOD nearly killed me in time
(be careful where you worship)

time passed as it must and all you became what you were bound to
many of you are fat, balding, middle age, drunken philanderers
while my body remains young and strong

you made me feel weak
so i made my body strong
you made me fear you
so i conquered my fear
i burned it from my body IN TOTAL
i fear nothing, no pain, no blood, no hardship, no man, no woman, no situation
you tormented me
so i tormented myself
i have cut myself, i have torn myself, i have not eaten for a week
just to know i could
you beat me up
so i learned to fight
karate, kung fu, wrestling, boxing, capoeira
i know where to hit you and how hard to bring you down
quickly
i know 17 places to strike to kill you if i wish
i know which bones break and under how much pressure
you fucked me up
so i learned to fuck you up
and i learned how to fuck myself up

you remember someone meek and quiet and 130 lbs.
i am bold and brazen and 185
i am strong and quick and capable

you remeber blue eyes that looked to the floor meekly
now those eyes blaze with fire and determination
and you will see them facing you
boring into your soul
measuring you

you measured me and found me worthless
so i learned to measure you
in an instant

i tried the world my way
i had to
i had to be a musician for a while
i had to for myself

regrets will kill anyone so i made sure i would have as few as possible

i entered your world only 5 years ago
i put music aside for a while and got a real job
eventually the hair calmed down and i even dress up for work
and look pretty fucking good
i have a very conservative look now because it is convenient for me

so be warned
i look just like you

you will never see my scars and my peircings or any other work i have
it will always be below my clothes, there for us to see when i am not around you
and you will never know

you will never see the pain and the torment that burns my soul
it will be hidden behind sparkling eyes and an easy smile
and you will never know

i entered your world and now i command it
i am bold and capable there and you will never know
you common fucks who wander around in this corparate wonderland will never know
i have infiltrated you

you will buy me lunch and i will wrangle you for dollars and cents and the whole time you will never know
what i am
but you will feel confounded and confused when i shut you up with a look
i can play you
and you will know it
(if i wish)

but WE know each other
somehow
there is a brand that you have placed in our spirit and we can recognise it in each other
so when i sit across the table from one of us, we will know
and the business will wait while we commune briefly
about the horrors we have been through
calmly, carefully, talking in innuendo and suggestion
because that is what we do
and we are there
in your world
silently
carefully
patiently
chipping at the prison walls
and opening the door for others of our kind to enter
when you are not looking

because who can hide better than us?
who can crawl in the darkness better than us?
we know how to crawl in shit because you fed us rivers of it
we know the smell of your shit intimately
and there is no better irony than to hear you say
"What's that smell?"
when we slip a bit of it back into your boring, tidy, meaningless, average life

so to us
stay the course
know who you are
know what you are
find a way

YOUR WAY

and to you
laughter
bemusement
amusement
entertainment
superiority
these are what you give me
daily

you taught us every thing we need to know
how to hate
how to rend
how to maim

but you never considered that by and large we are smarter than you
a LOT smarter
that is where you fucked up
TIME is the great equalizer

there are more of us than you think there are
oh no we are not just the misfits on the streets you stupid fuckers
you wish
we are everywhere
and we have very long memories

so i advise you not to fuck up and grow weak, like so many of your buddies have
we are waiting
we are patient

and revenge has no statute of limitiations