Disgusted and Violated

buzzed, sitting in a chair staring into the dark, memory flickers 
in the corner of my mind, that empty soulless part, that part of your 
brain.U store memories of the cock sucking you got from the beloved 
family friend John. What a great fucking Christian man he was.
reaching out for any father figure you could get, a blow job, and a 
contra game didn't seam like a bad deal,

thank you dad for pushing me away, the fucked up memories of a fat
fucking piece of shit sucking my preteen cock, a solid threat of me
being taken away, and the fucking memories and emotions and wondering if
I'm gay.
thank you dad for beating me senseless, when i tell you about this painful
secret. Pantera and a bottle of mad dog thirteen, and violated, a busted lip
and a pounding head, black mailed, to stay at this motherfucker house,
parents deny as I want to die. suicide and Christ gone blind, and my parents don't 
give a fuck. for one reason or another this shit happened more then once, reaching out for a fathers love.

as a child I lost my innocence, my heart broken, and nothing to give any relationship I become involved in. Sex to me is as common as a blow job and a skateboard. fucking my girlfriend as a fat mother fucker strokes his cock, and smokes cigars. standing and staring thru crack in the door. poor girl don't know, and I no longer cared. I lost my mind at ten, I lost my soul at twelve, I became a vapor at thirteen. all i ever wanted was a home to call my own, and a father that fucking cared, and what i got was a life time of violated memories, and a broken image of a father. So our father who art in heaven, thanks for the memories....