these scars of mine

for every time you yell at me
I pull the gun closer to my head
for every time you take a drink
I sink an inch deeper into the black water
for every time I'm punished without reason
I back up to run faster towards the window
for every time you forget I exist
I tug the noose tighter around my neck
for every time you abuse me
I clench the pills in my hand
for every time you ignore me
I step closer towards the highway
for every time I cry you push me away
I hold the knife closer to my heart
for every time you hurt me
I glance at my scars
all the scars
every and which one
and
why they are there
drop the gun
rise from the water
stop in my tracks
drop the rope
dispense the pills
back away from the cars
I fall to my knees
releasing the knife