I know the words but I can't speak

I once lost touch with a very good friend
A song writer, a poet... a talented person
Who I appreciated more than anything
He made some decisions that changed
Everything he was.
The guy I looked up to so much
Was living in his truck
Doing anything he could for another rail
He'd stop by my place for baking soda
From time to time.

He didn't like the fact
That i couldn't be around him anymore
Neither did I.
But I was starting to follow in his path.

After a year of separation
I made the effort to get back in touch.
He sounded great...
Addiction was his demon and he would not lie
Clean for six months ain't much
"But life is a constant struggle"
No matter what the case
We both knew we were a perfect combination
A force to be reckoned with
On any bar room stage.
When would we jam again?
Very soon.

Many random text messages followed
"I can't wait to play this song with you again"
"Wait till you hear this new trick I learned for that song"
Two more weeks till our first practice
First practice in almost 2 years.
But no reply from my text messages
No answer on the phone
"Hi, this is Ian... Leave me a message and I'll get back to you"
"Dude, call me back asap... we gotta book a jam space pronto"
Monday morning comes
A phone call from my brother
"Hey man, when did you last talk to Ian?
You should try calling him again.... someone emailed me
Asking what happened to him on Friday"
Still no answer
So I listened with my heart racing in fear
To "Hi, this is Ian... Leave me a message and I'll get back to you"
For the last time.

Type his name into Google search
First thing up
Obituary

He found a beautiful place in the Rocky Mountains
Chain smoking cigarettes
A few last beers
And took his life.

The music we made is still here
Recorded in the midst of a cocaine binge
But the experience we created each time
We turned the volume up
Its gone.

I will never drum that way again
I will never smile back during the bridge again
What he did was selfish?
True.

But what bothers me most
Is that I understand completely
He cared too much for others
To keep letting them down
So that was his last relapse.
He is no longer around.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Incomplete

You're slipping away
You need to change
before it's too late
Nothing left to say
Everyday's the same to you anyway

You give an inch
I'll take a mile
For what its worth
Its not worth the while
Falling to pieces
Not what it used to be
Our innocence was lost for all

Can you help me please
I know the words
But I can't speak
I lye in bed
Unable to sleep
Because I feel you
So incomplete without you.

- Written by Ian D.
www.myspace.com/betteroffreunion