...Something that Rhymes
By Demosthenes
~Before This Is Over, Just Let Me Write Something That Rhymes~
Hold me close
Don't let go before I die
Let me weep
Then I can mix your tears with mine
So much blood
O God, it's all over your hands
I love you
But there's only so much I can stand
Damn, it hurts
Death sure is a bastard
It's so long
O Lord, why won't you take me faster?
Where'd you go?
I can't see your eyes anymore
Don't be gone
Why didn't I stop this all before?
Forgive me
I didn't think I'd ever really live
Now I die
And see that this damn life was such a gift
I can't feel
Now how am I supposed to know you're here?
Keep talking
Please love, don't stop, it helps to dull the fear
It's ending
I'll die before
I finish
writing this
Not now, please
I never got
to even taste
your--
Comments on "...Something that Rhymes"
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A former member wrote:
vocal rhymes...really nice
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A former member wrote:
I really like this. It actually portrays the fear that people feel when they thought they wanted to die and then realize they don't. I especially love how it cuts off in the end. Just wonderful!
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On Monday, September 1, 2003, Crystal Passion
(221) wrote:
Truly stirring, it's so sad that we dont realize our bad choices until we've already chosen them... -Kryz
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On Tuesday, August 19, 2003, _Andrew_
(245) wrote:
awesome poem! i didnt like the rhymes tho, i dont normally like rhyme poems, but it was great! *~*aNDReW*~*
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On Wednesday, July 23, 2003, Blood of Winter
(296) wrote:
Oh the things we regret before the end, I love this one to along with the rest of your stuff.
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A former member wrote:
Excellent. Makes you think twice about suicide!
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A former member wrote:
amazing
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A former member wrote:
I've loved this one since the first time I saw it. Its a really really REALLY good poem, Sara. Incredibly passionate, and beautifully sad (it seems like people use that phrase a lot here) Write me s'more. Boo
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A former member wrote:
I agree with Shadow, and its a good peice of writing, I like the stanza beginning "Forgive me"
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A former member wrote:
that makes u really think about how people say the "want"to die, but would they really want to wants its happens..very nice writing ...Shadow