Because I was bored. . .this is the beginning of genesis according to me. . .

A long time ago God was at the bar with his homies on thursday night after bowling. It was like any other thursday after bowling but then Allah, who was completely wasted, said to God "Dude, there is no fucking way you can make Earth." God accepted that challenge, shit himself, and there was Earth.

Shortly afterwards Lucifer came to God asking for a favor and God leaned down and said "What was that nigga?" This pissed off Lucifer so he went off and made a home for himself and this place came to be called Africa.

Then God leaned back in his throne and lit up a bong and said to his angels, "Let us make something to peep on." So then God made man.

Then God realized he wasnt gay and made woman. And he came to see her knockers were good and God and his angels were arroused. Then God told her not to eat the holy pringles or else she would have painful childbirth. Although really he didn't want her to because then she would cover up her knockers and God would have to make the Internets so he could get faping material.

Well woman decided that pain was kinky so she ate the sacred pringles. Once she did she realized she was naked and that man was drooling so she slapped him and told him to eat the pringles and then he could touch her boobies.

Man was horny so he ate the pringles and fondled woman's breasts. God came down to the garden and saw man fondling woman's breasts and got very angry at man for touching the boobies he had made. Man immediately blamed woman and woman immediately blamed some poor snake that happened to be nearby. But before God could kill the snake the snake told God he had been possesed by Lucifer.

God was very angry with Lucifer so he burnt his skin and laughed because now no one liked him. Then, because God was feeling nasty, he slapped the snake to the ground and banished man and woman from his penthouse. . .