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Incoherence
By Lawless Fighter
One, two, three, four
The white snow, it calls for more
Four, three, two, one
The blood is gleaming in the sun
White, black, red, gray
Colors flash, I found my pray
Gray, red, black, white
How can my sinning feel so right?
Blind, deaf, mute, dead,
Flesh and blood, my wine and bread
Dead, mute, deaf, blind,
Incoherence is all I find.
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© 2007 Lawless Fighter
Comments on "Incoherence"
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On Thursday, September 14, 2017, worm
(1194)
wrote:
nice... come write more...
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On Saturday, December 29, 2007, Niemand
(361) wrote:
Definately incoherent. Love it.
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On Thursday, December 27, 2007, Aunty Depressant
(434) wrote:
Animal, spiritual, and psychotic...nice combo.
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On Thursday, December 27, 2007, Liz
(267) wrote:
Yeah, this is kinda cool. But for the contest, it is too long.
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On Friday, December 28, 2007, Lawless Fighter
(37) wrote:
I thought it said 12 lines? was i mistaken?
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On Saturday, December 29, 2007, Niemand
(361) wrote:
I thought so too..
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On Sunday, December 30, 2007, Liz
(267) wrote:
it was LESS THAN 12. not LESS THAN OR EQUAL TO. there is a subtle mathematical difference involving this not qualifying
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On Sunday, December 30, 2007, Lawless Fighter
(37) wrote:
Wow that seems a little harsh. . . Idk about you but making a rhyming poem that has an odd number of lines seems like a really off-balance thing to do. .
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On Wednesday, January 2, 2008, Lawless Fighter
(37) wrote:
Well. . uh. . its still on the list so. . idk. . .
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On Monday, December 31, 2007, Liz
(267) wrote:
It doesn't mean you have to write 11 lines. Just less than 12. Ten lines, or eight, or six, would have also qualified.
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On Wednesday, December 19, 2007, Trigger
(70) wrote:
I like it, so there.
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On Wednesday, December 19, 2007, Bella Butchery
(724) wrote:
to help with the rhyme scheme in the future, it helps to switch up the end suffix of verbs / adjectives / and nouns.. i saw you do it alittle, so expand on it, and see what takes form, maybe you will like it more
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On Wednesday, December 19, 2007, Lawless Fighter
(37) wrote:
I am giving this a great big "huh?" cuz frankly i dont know what you mean. . .its a simple collection of 6 couplets with four syllables in the first line and roughly 8 in the second line. . .
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A former member wrote:
that's exactly what I thought when I read it... what suffixes, where. but um, maybe it was just stickin with the title?
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On Wednesday, December 19, 2007, Lawless Fighter
(37) wrote:
This confuses me further are you agreeing with Bella or me because I see both. . .?? o_O i think i might just be really out of it tonight. . .
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On Thursday, December 20, 2007, Bella Butchery
(724) wrote:
In grammar, a suffix or ending is an affix which is placed at the end of a word. Common examples are case endings, which indicate the grammatical case of nouns or adjectives, and verb endings, which form the conjugation of verbs- TM wikipedia.... just constructive critisisim...
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On Saturday, December 29, 2007, Lawless Fighter
(37) wrote:
Uh. . idk about you guys. . but. . to me if it rhymes does it really matter how its spelled?. . when i read a poem i read it out loud. . not check its spelling to be sure its gramatically correct. . i mean i appreciate the idea but. . i just dont see how that would change anything. . .
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A former member wrote:
I really hate to say it, but 'ind' in 'find' is not a suffix, sorry. You need to have a root word to affix a morpheme to, then you need a recognized morpheme to affix in such a way as to produce a meaningful result. For instance, the suffix 'ly' should probably not be affixed to 'find' since I don't think it produces a recognizable result. But I do appreciate the intent behind your suggestion.
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On Friday, December 28, 2007, Bella Butchery
(724) wrote:
g ray/p ray, d ead/br ead, bl ind/f ind..... alternating suffix's, ie- four/more, white/right, one/sun...... in one half, it was done, the other half, not... i was merely stating, it makes it simply feels more original.
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A former member wrote:
oh, well thanks for letting me know... what suffixes would you suggest changing? Maybe specific examples would be make your criticism more constructive?
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