Selfish Prayers

I serenade the Depression you left
Next to my head
A Devoted hymn of far fetchedness
A place I shouldn’t go
Fearfully,
I chant across time
Unfulfilled, my Will wanders errantly
To handsomer days still sweet and green
An edited loop on high rotation
Playing over and over and over. . .
Interrupted only by pangs of pain
A penitent soul kneeling
On paradoxical pebbles of Hope
Selfish prayers
That only bounce back from heaven
A cold shower of rejection
And I know I must stop.