it's

it's the step beyond the top
of the 100 foot pole
and the corner where you cannot
move an inch;

it's the night collapsed on the hallway floor weeping,
after getting out of jail,
and the place where there's absolutely
no known clue
what to do next;

it's the blind in the dark
and the roaring staggering sea;

it's the atomic realization
that the world will not be conquered
and there ain't enough smokes and sex
to get through the night,
much less the rest of your life,
and it's being old,
knowing how death might really feel,
and not caring

that gets you to the point
where maybe
for the first time ever
there's a chance
this present moment
might actually be
the one you finally notice

before words and thoughts and memories and baggage
shove you back out
into the cold
wet place
you always thought before
was all there really was.