Dead Inside

What is this feeling I am supposed to have?
something of some sort
some kind of affection
some kind of emotion
however what I feel is nothing

Wondering about what is going on
because while others see potential
I simply do not
nothing to be seen
nothing to be found
nothing really to fight for
would I even know what to fight for?

No desire to settle the score
no desire to defend thyself
but not one to stick around for false hope
with the same nonsense constantly why even bother
nobody even seems to care
the kind people you thought you knew
only returning to their past states
to try to impress you...

In the end to end up in the same state in which you came from
no desire to pursue anything anymore
no desire to feel put down
however no desire to have your spirits lifted either

Like a baby without a bottle
like a soldier without a rifle
simply put for a fact
for what I feel
is a feeling of sheer nothingness
trying to find myself
but only to discover nothing

What is it like to feel?
I just do not know
I used to and now choose not to
it just is not worth it
cause in the end
you are left dead inside