S.A.M.

I will cry myself to sleep tonight
But for nothing more than an aching heart
I will hug my pillow close to me
Pretending my face is pressed against his chest
Trying to clear my scattered thoughts
His hand upon my cheek
And his lips melting into mine
Is what I will dream of on this silent night
And every night until it will come true
His fingers running through my hair
Reassuring me of the safety of his presence
Is nothing more than an illusion
My mind has provided me
It is not only on this night
That I feel the pang of physical loneliness
But many nights over it hits me
So strongly that it renders me sleepless
Only to make the next day worse
The words come to me now
As I sit on my bed writing with an unsharpened pencil
Of an emotion felt by everyone
But no one cares to acknowledge
Hours of weariness, of blurry thinking
Will hopefully soon pay off
To many nights of peaceful sleep
Listening to his steady breathing
Just like that of a far off train whistle
That I have come to recognize
As a sign of comfort
Since I was a small child laying in my bed
With the background sound of my parents fighting
To the bed in my grandma's home
When the whole house was still with dreamers
To now; still able to hear that familiar whistle
Will I hear the same sound when I'm finally able
To listen to his breathing?
Or will that sound of his slow, steady breathing
Take over for the nightly train whistle
As a sign of comfort and safety?