quotidian tearjerker: part one

light spills through the shades
onto her cold naked body
her arm twitches
she can’t blink
she said “yes” to a ride
and “yes” to a drink
and she is positive she said “no”
when it mattered
but he continued to touch her
“no” she said
“i’m not ready” she said
she knows that she told him “no”
why did he continue?
does he not know the rules
she has been in the position before
and has told other men “no”
when the groping goes to far
and they would just stop
hold her
and kiss her
why did he keep going?

he kept touching her
putting his body on hers
using his weight to hold her down
grabbing her wrists and pinning them to the floor
“what is happening to me?” she thought
“is this real? am i awake?”
“is this my life?”
she tried to push him off
and he cracked her in the jaw with his fist
called her a ”fucking bitch!”
put his knee on her thigh
and pushed down hard
smacked her in the mouth
and rammed his tongue down her throat
“i said ‘no’!” she yelled
“i know i said ‘no’” she though to herself

she has known him for ten years
went to grammar school with his sister
he baby-sat for her neighbors
he ripped off her shirt
and punched her in the stomach
she did say “no” right?
don’t people know the rules
don’t men know how to act anymore?

she had bought a new dress for their date
and went to have her hair specially done
this morning she awoke
and smiled so bright and wide
dying for the hours to pass
so she can see him
now she watches him walk out of her room
his pants unbuckled
panting like a rabid animal
she is sweating
and the blood flows rapidly through her veins
but she feels frozen

“i am a good person” she thinks
“this cannot be real”
“this did not just happen”
she cries
the tears fall onto the blood-soaked sheets
“what did i do?”
“what is wrong with me?”
“why did i deserve this?”

she can feel his seed dripping out of her
and it is all she can feel
she convulses and tucks into a ball
and vomits on her pillow
“this cannot be my life”
“this does not happen to people like me”
“what is wrong with me?”

the taste of blood is still in her mouth
her left eye is swollen shut
her heart still beats
although she feels dead inside
she’ll have to face him again
she cannot tell anyone
she has to let it go
and accept what happened
“its not his fault”
“i must have done something wrong”
“i had this coming”

she doesn’t know it yet
but his seed inside of her
will grow

what can she do?
where will she go?

...to be continued...