Life Portrait

Sometimes I feel torn inside
I still feel I live somewhat of a shattered life.
But then I look at what God's given me
Love and friends and some true family.
It makes me smile just to know this fact
It makes it easier when I do look back.
Still it isn't always
Clear to me.
And it isn't always
Easy to see.
I don't believe
It was entirely meant to be...
But I'll keep my head up at all cost
Try not to think of all I've lost.
Cause it only makes it sink deeper
And makes my heart feel hollower.

Sometimes I watch as the pain disappears
Watch as the numbness begins to sink into here.
I wonder if it's as visible to others
Can they see all my reflections and colors?
All the pigments hidden under my skin
Whirling around as if caught in violent wind.
Mixing up with deifferent colors
Painting a life portrait like no other.
Can they see through this happy face
When I really feel like I'm forever lost in some other space?