a little death

it feels like
a little bit of me died that night,
the night you gave yourself up
to her arms, to her kiss, to her impurity.

not to say
that i have a right to judge you,
or to be angry-
what we had ended long ago,
and we've been great friends,
but the truth is that i looked up to you,
for support, for comfort,
and you were the only person i knew
would hold on to their virtue longer than anyone else-
a trust not even my best friend had.

if anything was going wrong,
i always knew where to turn, because
you were the one thing in my life,
the only person, who i knew
would be there, firm, strong, eternal,
the only one i knew
would never weather,
never bend to their temptations, and now

i feel a part of me has died,
the part that i held on to for help,
my lifeline, my platonic love,
because you're dirty now,
in a way i can't help you wash off,
and i feel so lost
when you whisper me and ask
if we're still friends.

i know this is silly, stupid, so naive,
and i know i need to grow up
and understand about sex for the hell of it,
but i guess i never pictured you
giving yourself up
to someone you couldn't really love...