My mind was destoryed by pain an sabotage by fear 
I hate who I became 
I feel like an evil man
I caused so much hurt an pain
I'm undeserving of my life an who I'am
im no longer fixable
I lay here as my heart bleeds
And my fear begains to creep over me
I feel like death is my only way out 
like there no other way to escape this much pain
Im absent from my body i walk around in a daze 
Im on the outside looking in 
Wanting to change but not knowing where to begain


Im lost in who I'am 
im out of ideas an i have no plan
On how to become the man i want an need to be
I have an addictive destructive an evil personality
Only hurting the people close to me
I dont deserve there love and care
Because all they get in return in heartache an despair
There's no where i belong, No one to call family, An no where to call home


My dreams haunt my mind
Killing whats left of my from a happier time
So i found a hole an fell inside myself
this emptyness caused by my own hands
Its more then i can stand
So i make excuses becasue its hard to face who iam
Im trapped inside my mind 
But for short amounts of time
Im free when i write
Now you have insite into my life 
My pain my inner thoughts
The darkest parts of me
Im confused an angery 
Never knowing who I'am or who i'll be tomorrow
Or whos goin to cry over me today
So why not go out with a bang?
that way there just one more big cry then no more pain
As i put my finger in the trigger i begain to feel strange
So maybe tomorrow will be the day i prove to everyone im insane!