Alone again, fighting within. A battle raging between mental stability and copeing with unstable disorders and dieases of the mind that continue to plant thier seed of damnation into very core of my brain, rotting it from the inside out. Only to be exasperated by commons who try to limit and narrow myself perspectives and send my current mind set onto another train of thought with their "ritious" fallacies. I miss the the older days as a young child when the world held such wonders and mysteries only to grow into an adult and see this waste land for what it truly is. Such as religion, which they constantly try to drive down your thoat with a rusty screw driver and other such devious ideas of what they believe to be the "truth".
Heh, such are the words of an atheist.

Seeking to rewrite certain events in time which seem to hinder and alter my future desions of another day and a better time.
Making my wrongs right. Overcomeing the deceptions at hand. Easing my insomnia. Calming myself as I always do.
Walking the sorrows away.

Its a full moon out to night. I remember when it too held such wonders. I would gaze apon it for hours in awe of all its beauty and secrets. That too became tarnished. Its was truly sad when I came to realise this. The world I loved and began to fathem tore its self down and revealed its true secret. That there is no happy ending. There are no guardians of love in this raped world of violence and hate. Thats why we all have to fight to stay above ground. Else we fall victome and end below sooner then latter.
Such a wonderful place to raise children..sarcasim.

Its quite a beautiful night. Strolling through the woods as casually as breathing. It was always a secret release of mine. Its very cold I can see my breath.
The moon is big tonight. Lighting up this darked world. Though there are so many stars out you would think the midnight sky was lit up by them alone. I always was mezmerized by the night. Its one thing that still illuminoius to me. Its my place to hide. It took until now to under stand why.
The beauty of this place is beyound comprehendable, its true when its said that darkness truly does make every thing look so much more beautiful. Exspealiy in the winter upon a full moon. The ground, the trees, then river, everything is more light up yet encased in shadows. Quite litterally a winter wonderland.
I live the night.

I just passed by a grave. A dog is burried thier. In the middle of nowhere the remnants of life and memories still find a way to manifest itself. It saddens me. I am the only person I know of that comes out this far. I am the only person that can keep it's memory alive. The only person who would even care to stop and notice. The only person who would guinuinely care enough to even give a passing glance to stop and acknoledge the place it once had in life. I doubt anyone even knows its here aside from myself and the one who burried it. Its such a beutiful place, a fitting place for a resting spot. I wonder if the one who burried it thought so as well.

Im nearing my destination. The place i've been ranting about. The walk there is almost as amzing as the place itself. I am pretty sure I have made that known.
I come here to think and free myself of trubbling thoughts. I'd come here to stand and stare at its beauty. I've even fallen asleep here before. Lying in the field as the flowers devored my fears, all that I feel, all that I hate.
I hated them though. Their part of the reason that made me fall into the depths of this place. I would come here to watch all the flowers dieng away and heated by the light of the full moon night.
I would come just as winter was nearin it destination. I would watch as the leaves fall and crumble to the ground. I would watch each flower peddle turn black as the flower shirviled up an become one with the ground.
I would watch everything die.
I hated everything here.

I brought someone here once. The only other living person I know that knows about this place. I brought them here just as winter was about to hit. We sat under the large tree on hill right before you would enter the feild so we could look out at it all. It was a wonderous sight to be hold.

"why do all the flowers have to die away?" Were the words of that person as they picked one of the few living flowers here. Then utterd if I pick them their beauty last a little longer but they still die. They spoke spoke a few other words to me along those lines. Those words upset me in away no others have before.
It was then I realised I came here to watch them die away because it sadden me so. If I didn't their beauty would go unnoticed. I didn't want that. I didn't want all the flowers to die away.

I havn't seen that person in so long. I can't even count the years anymore. They lost them self in such away, I didn't know what to do. We both had problems with mental stabillity but when that person's sister died they just lost it. They hurt me so out of my own fear I ran from them. I havn't seen that person sence. I still think about them to this day as I walk to their now.

I have finally reached my destination.

I still remember all the times I would come here to watch everything die. I remember that night we came here together. Those words replaying over in my head.
Never again will I watch this little world die. I rarly come here anymore but when I do I come to watch the rebirth. I watch all the flowers, trees, and bushes spring to life.

Watching all the life in this full moon light.

So now, here I am. Litterally standing in the rain, in our feild of dreams, looking out at the senery. Standing next to the sleeping tree that too will soon be full of life. The tree we sat under. The tree you kissed me under. Watching as this dieing waste land turn back and again into the our sanctuary.

The Feild Of Dreams
Our Feild Of Dreams

So I stand here now. Just waiting.

I have nothing more to say...
I'm just going to watch...