Everything has its price
and lately
i find myself unwilling to pay
my words
my work
my dreams
to put it all on the line
to risk everything yet nothing
for what?
greed
petty hopes
ideals that,
up till this point,
have failed at every turn
my worth
now designated by the car i drive
the clothes I wear
the friends I choose
what about me?
my desires
my dreams
no longer worth the few remaining cells they manifest
pointless
this stratagem of life
another drone
a loyalist
I could do better
I could be better
unwilling to take the risks necessary to avoid this now overwhelming desire
to belong
to be loved
to live
this pack mentality
ever growing
what would it take
to be noticed
relevant
indispensable
unwilling to part with the unattainable
always out of reach
yet always in sight
faced with these questions
these prospects
inconveniences
do i throw it away
start over
take the leap and hope
that
if indeed i do land on my feet
the ground doesn't buckle beneath me

life equals sacrifice
but how much can one man give before he's worthless
meaningless
hopeless
some shut begging for your approval
a shell of judgmental indignation

not me

I have my friends
I have my dreams
I have time
a damn it I'll find my way

despite these hindrances

I'll find my way