(redefined)

About to do what I said I'd never know
Feel that which was not for me to be shown
Lived a life through pain as growth
Final words before death arose

Out of the shadows
Grasped by the darkness
Buried within your soul
What was originally me

What is left
A life in monochrome
The sands of time
Suffocating me

The way your eyes penetrated me
Was it all only a dream
Every moment you spent in my life
All not what it seamed

I can't judge right from wrong anymore
Truth hidden behind curtains and scenes
Frozen memories as gray as they seam
Lifeless breath saving me

If I admitted on here that I've killed
Who would see
Who would believe
Would it matter

I've almost told another the truth
As if she couldn't already tell
I've fallen so low
So many times

I'm the empty space between the end and the beginning
The echoing hopeless denial of what I really am
Shout your fears into me
It won't save you, nor I, damned are we
No "deus ex machina" will help us now.
Life has wound around
This twisted epitome
Of everything lost
life
pain
growth
envy
shame
The feelings fade out of existence

And all that is left is a man, torn down, leaning upon a cardboard world, smoking a cigarette and wishing for a reason to breath, with the weight of his sin and the pain of his being pushing him down, when motion freezes and this life cycles around that who is he, the end of times notices one thing, a slight smile as he flicks his ash, a twinkle in his eye as the pain overrides his soul, life 4289 is on its last rotation, but, a end it may be, its not quite time to recycle him yet, a hopeless fire burns within he, neither white nor black, but a world between, this life just can't kill that without meaning, a wander of limitations, human potential in psychological ecstasy. That smile, that breathless twinkle, why, why oh why has his cardboard world not fell down, burning destruction may surround him, but somehow, he still stands, as he falls on his knees a laugh penetrates the silence, what has become of the man that once was? Face down in ash now, without the strength to rise, his heart, his fucking human heart still beating, he may not stand just yet, but don't count him out, you saw that smile, that twinkle in his eye, that twisted flame inside his soul, strength will come, be patient, that man will rise, and again, he will know what it means to feel alive, and that fragile human heart which beats so helplessly in his chest, it may find a kind of peace, not the kind from fairy tails of romanticized falsities, but a strength not known by the other pigs running in this circle we call a life, no, the strength to stop, the sense to see, the will to listen, and the knowledge to return here again, the worth of the fall, this is longevity redefined.