my self being restrains me

a battle within my own mind

this life unjust and unfair

impractical as the shadow that follows unconsciously

tired from sobbing these useless tears before bed

unmotivated

unwanted

unneeded

boil my brains in bleach

you remark that everything will be all right

which is nothing but an untruth

my vents solve nothing

your advice leaves everything the same

adrenaline uncalled for pumping through my veins

guts dismantled easily wit one hand

my heart plummets like a stone

this life implies nothing anymore to those then to its owner

the mentality to fight, to defeat fifty men

the strength not even to take a half step forward

the cast torn off

limping towards these empty goals

indecisiveness leading me nowhere

all these irrational complications

why can't someone just take it away

left ill dizzy and light headed

the scars proving I can only endure so much

the end not too far away nor close enough to reach

your hatred tearing off the stitches

the next more challenging while still bruised with the past

pills take no effect their side effects overwhelming

I deserve this not give this chance to another

every blow tightening the rope

like an injection of morphine

this weathered soul feels no longer

each breathe a waste of time

every heart beat taken not of

this time bomb awaits for the end of the ticking