"Elegance of Indecision"

Elegance of Indecision
the overwhelming yet overtly inadmissible aspect of the human condition
we live
but to what end?
misery
pain
persecution
the only way one gets ahead in this world
lapse intellectual ramblings
I’ve always had a thing for the egotistical
the artistic and imaginative
you see,
average doesn’t get you anywhere in life
push the limits
take chances
Fail

I’ve fallen so far from relevance
far from purpose
out of reach
these words are but dim light in the dark recess of this
my new reality
Faint light emphasizing past failures and doors unopened
labels worn
wood warped
faded
I sit here
wallowing in this realm of indecision.
each revision
taking what little originality remains
for it seems that for every door I open I lose myself in part to a path less traveled
picking up the pieces I find myself here yet again
so familiar now
safe
scared
Peering through keyholes for fear of making the wrong decision
I don’t know how much longer I can do this
get away with this
accept this
keep confidence in knowing that the more I fail
the better the odds become.

I’m tired
unwilling
frightened to think that the same door that may reveal purpose may also bring my end...
but at the same time,
I’m tired of sitting here
wallowing in shadows as the world passes bye
waiting for something that may never come

I miss warmth
light
the feeling of the sun in my face and the grass beneath my feet
solid ground
welcoming
forgiving
lifes decisions laid out for all to see
no secrets
no lies
there is a harsh honesty in nature
but its just that...
honest
How far can I fall before I find rock bottom
a solid foundation beneath my feet
finally able to look around and appreciate
understand
and accept that the world
even at its worst
can be
is
and will forever be
Beautiful
to know that life
though miserable
intolerable
may
for the first time...
seem worth it,
and in turn
to know that in that same way,


i am too.