I'm sorry...

I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do to you
bring to your attention
out of the grey shadows for too long
torture.
This is a form of torture.
The cruelest I could dole out, and I have
no choice.
I'm bound by love of you to do this
don't you see?
Please don't hate me
for being weak
stupid
selfish
flawed.
I hate it, loathe what I've done
what HE's done.
That damned chaotic enigma that thrives on our pain
I could kill him for what he's done
and you damn near might.
I'm more worried about your reaction towards me though,
don't think I'll be able to bear it
Will you hate me? Cast me down to the dirt I feel like and push me away for this
the most gruesome of all my sins?
Please, I can't lose you, I can't, I can't
you resurrected part of me; it might die if I lose you.
FUCK, I didn't mean any of it, didn't mean to hurt you, don't know why
I am so STUPID.
I won't blame you for hating me, never wanting me again...
Me, the spineless wretch who, for the first time in my life, am truly in love. With you.
And I went and hurt you so mortally and still have the gall to ask forgiveness.
Worthlessly stupid. That's me. The girl you somehow love.
Why am I even writing this, what's the point?
Oh yeah-
nothing about this will stay inside me again.
Guess the saying is true: we do end up hurting the ones we love most the worst.