I can't remember who I was when I was a little girl who had dreams. I wanted to be an actress I wanted to write I wanted to work with animals. I wanted to be happy and live my life to the fullest. I had so many dreams but then somehow my innocence was tainted by this world. Tainted by people telling me I would never succeed. Tainted by me believing the lies. I thought I would never amount to anything and I still do. People say they support me but laugh at me when I tell them my dreams. I work so hard day and night to succeed to be good at something anything really. At this point it seems like people expect me to fail. I want to do good for myself and my family and my love. But I feel like I'm always letting everyone down. Most of all myself. I don't know how much longer I can bear the stress. I catch myself glancing at the pill bottles. I want this pain to evaporate I want people to snap out of denial. We are facing losing our house and we only have a month left. I love my mother dearly but she seems to be in denial about it. I've been lying for her because she doesn't want anyone to know and at this point I'm not sure I can keep this weight on my shoulders. I can't sleep and when I do all I want to do is sleep so I don't have to think about this stress but I have nightmares anyway. I haven't written my fiance he is away because I don't want to upset him but I worry that all will come out is my fear and anxiety. I feel this sense of dread all the time. I worry it will never go away. Plus I don't want to go live with my aunt again. When I lived with her she was terrible to me and controlled everything. What I ate the way I dressed who I saw when I could leave the house she yelled at me for not cleaning and then yelled at me when I did clean and didn't go to dance or art class. She yelled at me when I was sick and refused to take me to the doctor because she didn't want to pay for it even though I had a broken ankle and then another time when I got really sick and almost died. It's almost like that's what she wanted. I doubt it would be that severe but she said if we lived with her we would have to put our cat's to sleep because my uncle does not want them. Sorry to vent I guess I'm just having a really hard time and I did not expect this to come out like this. But it's been waying heavily on my mind.