freedom is fucking lonely.

i've pretty much been drunk for two months straight. anytime i'm not drunk, i feel nauseous and i can't think about anything except getting drunk. is that a bad sign...?

i feel liberated. i feel like i'm setting an example for my female friends-- and some of my male friends as well, because i don't need someone by my side 24/7. i am loved by myself and my friends and family. that's enough.

but when facts are unstable enough to become questioned, they become, essentially, invalid.

is solitary happiness really impossible? or is it just me?

i feel like i've been wearing this subject out for years. and i feel like the only time i bring it up is a) via myspace or livejournal, and/or b) when i'm drunk. sometimes i have trouble even taking myself seriously.

you would think
that after so many years
(as long as i can remember)
of feeling completely fucking alone
i would figure out some way to fix it

but my current options include settling for someone that i
(essetially)
hate
or killing myself

i think that bitching about it over myspace is highly preferrable
don't you?

(I WAS DRUNK WHEN IWROTE THIS I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU CONFRONT ME ABOUT THIS BECAUSE YOU THINK IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN. I NEEDED TO SAY SOMETHING. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, REGARDLESS OF WHO YOU ARE-- UNLESS YOU ARE ME. FUCK OFF.)