Hesitation For A Lost Cause

This is what I hesitated for
A night of selfishness
In which I purposely found myself an escape for
It is true what a friend said
Live the moment
She knows the love is there
But you do not
And probably never will
God damn I know this so well it hurts
Talk shit about me to my best friend too
I cannot bear this love hate relationship
I wish you the best of hope gone
Call it charity I still bring your way
Call me an asshole for doing certain events
Events in which you should have been a part of
With me
Togetherness
Something you have lost touch of
I cannot believe you compared me to your father
How fucking low is that
And I am the child
Regardless of who is right or wrong
I apologized
You of course did not
You accepted my apology
Only to rub shit in my face yet again
Forget the past
Was said by a friend
But you love using anything you can against me
In refusal, you cannot see any point but your own
So I drown out in music
I cure myself of the trance I was in
Even through everything
I say I love you
You cannot accept that
You cannot accept me
You cannot accept anyone but yourself
And even that you seem to be confused about
After today you will learn your own lessons
I have no option to even come back
You yourself cut off all ties
Never want to talk again
You tell people how happy you were
And how much I supposedly meant to you
But it is shown not to anyone
Because the hatred still comes
Yes, I have problems with you from time to time
But I still always love you
And you obviously do not feel the same