Too Deep

We broke up months ago
but at nights I still cry.
I act fine when I see you
but underneath I am dead inside.

You tell me you still love me
and I am sure that is very much true.
But you are moving on
and I am not over you.

So I hate the fact that you know
that I feel how I feel.
I wish it was all a nightmare.
I never knew pain like this was real.

So I pop a few pain pills
and I turn on our song.
I sit and I think
then I realize...I was blind all along.

It is no one in general.
It is not only you.
I always end up getting hurt
no matter what I do.

Why is my pain in others hands?
Why are my emotions so fucked up?
So I take out my razor
and I begin to cut.

Relief comes right after
this pain I CAN control.
I love feeling like this.
I love feeling whole.

----------------------------------------

Dear god what have I done?
My wrist is pouring red.
I have made messes before
but like this I have never bled.

It seems to me, like the one in my heart
this wound on my wrist is too deep.
So as I lie here, in a crimson bed
I drift off into a never ending sleep.