Trustworthy?

Too many times have I been through this
too many times I remember
too many times I have been screwed over
by the ones who call themselves friends

Placing faith in someone
is not an easy task
nor is it one I can truly do either
everytime I do
something happens to make me not trust again
backstabbing
talking about you behind your back
I have seen it all
as it seems to surround me lately

Trying to establish who cares and who does not care
seems to be a neverending battle
seems to be a hopeless battle
one that also requires not only a trustworthy partner
but the ability to be able to trust in the first place

I have been trusted and not been trusted
and receivedd the negative ends of both sides
being mislead and betrayed
as well as a false sense of the person trusting you

Paranoia

Just cannot sleep at night
this all bothers me so
and who can help when you have nobody to place faith in
and you have lost the will to put faith in another as well

If not a hopeless battle with others
it is a stressful battle with thyself
to be able to trust others again
after being downed so many times
I find myself in this situations again
as I find people not telling me things

Secrets being told
the thoughts wonder my head

Wanting to know
but no place to know

Why must I wonder
why must a heart so pure
turn to shit over this

Why do I care so much
about who I can trust

How do I know
if people truly trust me

Oh god, help me
I seek assistance
give a definition for this goddamned word

Trustworthy

How to be it
and how to seek it
guess I am on my own for that
but I need first to know what it means

Perhaps I have the definition wrong
and thus is why this all repeats

How is one to know
if you decide to trust one to share
that they will not take it all for themselves

How is one to know whether or not
one is sincerely and truly trustworthy?