Forever Lost and Unloved

I put my guard down
I gave into my feelings again
and this is what I get
you say that it is all about me
when in fact it is all about you
I do not ever want to be mad at you
I cannot stay mad at you
I cannot stop loving you
and that is what kills me
as I know you do not always love me
such a sad departure
waiting for the usual I love you
saying it to you
and still isn't returned
this has happened before
but not in person
at the last second
you tell me you do
I am stilll aching however
my love for you is killing me
everyone tells me to step away
but I refuse everyones advice
I continue to chase what is not there
I continue to wish for something that will never happen
kill me now
might as well
on a day I take initiative
I thought everything would go right
yet everything went wrong
should have never took the first step
I knew it would get you to want to see me
should have kept it all up to you
you wanna hang out
you call me
I should have stayed uninvolved unless you wanted me to be
and loving you the same way I did before secretly
cause when I see you it is no secret at all
yet it is a secret to you because you do not see how much I love you
I subjected myself to something I never wanted to do
to hopefully make you feel better about yourself
but all for nothing
because I have failed
I put all the blame on me
even for most that is not my fault
I blame myself
because I cannot love the same way anymore
since we were put to a tragic end
nothing is the same for me
as I cry out once again
I thought I had no more
but I still pour my heart and eyes out for you
never will you understand
I set myself an early grave
you will be the death of me
however it will be my fault
because I followed a unruly path
that leads me to dissapointment, sadness and despair
I cannot do this
I do not want this
I cannot believe this
I have lost my will to live
shoot me down
and mark my words
I love you
god save my helpless soul
I feel I am a horrible person
my fault or not is not the point
for whatever reason I cannot make you happy
since your are a part of me I wont be either
unrequitted love is my fate, I know
goddammit quit taunting me so...