an attempt at absolving this dissonance

By not an addict

if not for the little one inside
i wouldn't be ashamed
i might even open this door again
invite you in
but somehow things have changed
these cigarettes and blood stains never seemed
so promising
heartfelt regret can't cover
for a lifetime of forgetting
and it's not as though
you tried to make believe
these days weren't fleeting

but i've given in to worse than this
and tasted more than my fair share
of failure
and then who am i to judge?
when i'm the one who
gave you death for free
it never was for me to say
...wouldn't have mattered any way
"i'm just humouring myself
that my opinion matters"
but we both know
that when i'm "out of sight..."
the saying goes

so it's not a search for acceptance
that led me here
asking questions of a handful of pills
that refuse to offer answers
it isn't understanding that i seek
just a mind-numbing calm complacency
a little innocent forgetfulness
in place of the apology
i know will never come

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.

Published on Wednesday, May 18, 2005. Filed under: "Poetry"

Comments on "an attempt at absolving this dissonance"

On Monday, August 20, 2007, Reefer_rave (146) wrote:

it's so much more than pretty words :).. heartfelt and close to home. It reminds me of things i'd sooner forget.
A former member wrote: once again, I've been there too and you take me back to that place, the rhyme is lovely, the detached tone perfect, the longing for numbness palpable.
On Saturday, July 8, 2006, ashrain (16) wrote:

ive never told you how much i love your poetry...and i know i should not love this peice as much as i do...but i do...
A former member wrote: Post more!!!!!! Or I will kill you = )
On Saturday, August 6, 2005, capt_funguy (778) wrote:

heart dragging piece on a subject all too prevelent .. i have felt this brand of bad .. and i just hate it completely ... no bright side ... you spoke this well ... funguy
On Tuesday, July 19, 2005, purr_verse (1059) wrote:

extremely effective, quietly powerful conclusion that ties this whole write together; the softcrushing resignation of that final line particularly impressive. Great piece.
A former member wrote: You have created a fine work, quite unlike anything I have ever read in the light of it's unique expression. I'm pleased I have discovered you, and, like elegant kiss, will be reading much more of you {the words on your profile page are exceptional, also}
On Thursday, June 23, 2005, not an addict (45) wrote:

thank you muchly... in truth this was a bit too personal for me to believe that it might be viewed as pretty words by one who did not know the story... i'm glad it touched you.
On Monday, May 23, 2005, Elegant Kiss (182) wrote:

You have a wonderful style. I'll have to read more of you.
On Thursday, May 19, 2005, Kinkypoptart (555) wrote:

it isn't understanding that i seek just a mind-numbing calm complacency. Great line... I love it ~*~tart~*~