i want to disappear

i want to fade so far away
that you forget i ever existed

i want to slice out
every single tear
that i have left inside me
and i want to burn away
every fucking memory
that won't let me be me

i want to starve away
everything inside of me
until i am empty
and i am free

i want to bleed away the self hatred
i want to love who i am
and never be ashamed

because we all have a past

i want to fly
so fucking high
above all of this
and never look down
never drown in this again

i want to be free
i want to be me
and love it

i want to be who i am
and not live in fear
of you finding out just who that is

i can't live
on self deprication
self deprivation

i can't breathe
on emptiness
and self destruction any longer

there are some things in life
that last forever
and there are others
that have to end

but the rope is never tight enough
the pills are never strong enough
and the blade is never sharp enough

and i am never strong enough
to pick myself up and make a new start

i will never be strong enough
to pick myself up and start again