Ashes

The tears were impossible to fight, how many times has she felt the familiar sting in her eyes? too many times and it was coming again, an onslaught invading her vision. Soon, she wouldn't be able to breath, choking on air. An endless tail of pain. And knowing he felt worse forced her to sink deeper into those drowning tears. She fucked up. But doesn't everyone fuck up? Doesn't everyone make a mistake and hurt others? No, she wasn't any different than anyone else, except for maybe she just happened to hurt him. The only person who ever mattered in her life, who ever brought out such strong emotions she could choke to death on them.

She felt that way now, sinking down onto the couch and curling into a ball, so that the tears not only soaked her face, but whatever else they touched as well. She felt like she was choking the sobs were so uncontrollable, her mind trying vainly to find a solution that would right everything again. God, if she couldn't pull through this it'd be the end of her. If she couldn't make him smile again, hear his laugh again, she knew she would die, even if it took her own hand. How was she suppose to make him see the love now? So dirtied and soiled, where did all that hatred come from?

The tears were endless, becoming meaningless as they continued to flow from her sore eyes. Without his love she felt empty and void, but how would he ever believe her now? Love is never suppose to be this sour, never suppose to turn this bad. How the fuck can she live with herself? She already knew she'd never forgive herself, he'd never forgive her...never forgive. But she needed his love and she fucked it all away. Can't breathe, can't come up for air. No punishment would be good enough for her, there would be nothing to resolve this string of pain. Not even time can heal deep rooted scars.

Empty and trapped, she needed a way out of her skin, the burden of her mind. How can she reach out to him now without getting her fingers burned off? No, she deserved that and she would continue to dry and touch him again and again, until there would be nothing left of her but ashes. Reduce to ashes to blow away, maybe then and only then he wouldn't hurt so much. She wouldn't be forgiven, no, but as long as he didn't hurt anymore, as long as he was free to live and to love as he pleased - what more could she ask for? What more could anyone ask for when as angel's heart is ripped to pieces by a worthless bitch...