Asphyxiational Pain

Today on this morn’ I feel hollow
I’ve taken a path none dare to follow.
I’ve made plans to end this game
I won’t do it for the week of fame.
I feel numb, as though touched by Death
I, oddly, don’t need to take a breath.
Look around the room in black and white
Feeling no anger, no misery, nor fright.
Try to grab the door handle, won’t budge
Take some steps and give it a shoulder nudge.
Door breaks open and I wake from my dream
Get up for coffee with sugar and Irish Cream.
Start my day off with a couple codeine
I want a syringe of morphine.
Go about my day with a blissful numb sensation
I know my fate and I am awaiting my damnation.
I hate myself more than you could ever know
I’d like to get lost and freeze in the snow.
Let me fade, let me leave, I’m begging Death to let me die
I have accepted my imminent fate, leave my neck wry.
I want to be free from this abhorrent mortal plane
This knife is so sharp, it’ll flawlessly cut the vein.
If you are so certain that you are to accuse
Please, put your finger here while I finish the noose.
When I’m gone, will you finally be content
Your threats are worthless and frequent.
You tell me to cut myself, to kill myself
Are you not man enough to do it yourself?
Or are you afraid that I’ll surpass you
I can take you, this I know is true.
But go ahead, make jokes and mock me
Death and darkness will only set me free.
You wallow in others despair
Happiness is a tricky snare.
I thrive where you would fall, cave in and surrender
I am by Death’s side, I am his right hand, and his defender.
Death has been what I’ve known my entire life
Ironically, I have found the most comfort from a knife.
The blood is so sweet and tantalizing,
I can feel the tingling in my head rising.
I’m in love with the asphyxiational pain
I promise you, it won’t leave a stain.