Look all around this dull room,
2/5 of you will meet premature doom.
Smile with that hollow numb feeling,
My patience and will are reeling.
I should let go, I should give in,
But I don’t want them to win.
I love the negative attention,
But I hate the apprehension.
I love the hate, the pain, the sin,
We were like Joker and Harley Quinn.
We can be sinister and cruel,
To think you’d love me, I was a fool.
You just wanted the painful thrill,
Are you done? Have you had your fill?
Leave me, want me, hate me,
I need you not, leave me be.
Take the tempting razor,
Aim for the vein, just a grazer.
The blood is so calming and sweet,
Feel dizzy and fall off my feet.
Hit my head hard, left myself for dead,
Awake somewhere familiar, a hospital bed.
Feel the pounding behind your eye,
Asking why you can’t just die.
Doctor adds more painkillers,
They are blocking the best filler.
Try and move but can only look,
See a stranger reading a book.
She comes over and whispers,
“I said never again” then whimpers.
Close my eyes, avoiding her tears,
Why am I still here after these years?
She takes my hand, placing it on her cheek,
Says she’ll see me when I’m home in a week.
The yearlong week has finally passed,
I have arrived home, numb, at last.
The doctor said I need to be monitored,
My friends had been more than honored.
Trying to keep me around and happy,
But all they do is be stupid and sappy.
I want to die, I want to die, I want to die,
This is something that I couldn’t deny.
Confront the deathly situation,
With a sweet articulation.
See death eye to eye,
With a genuine smile.