Unpronounceable

Thoughts solid,
caught in my throat
a taste I have forgotten
until movies play
and reruns blanch
on the screen 
as I fall asleep.

There are charaters I see,
there are so many things,
to watch on a troubled sky;
I don't know why
I crave it,
I want the dark to take me
but I reject that I am bad.

Bad is a precast of tidings
you don't accept
but are placed like gifts:

a lump of coal to show you want;
I close my fists til I get those marks;
the lack of bow,
such a lazy-giver;
and sleep,
so sleep the greatest gift,
I want so bad.

I feel it coming up,
it is crawling in me;
a hated scream,
it wants me and will
have me but not before
it runs like me,
away little baby
she can't take the fall
as it can't get written away,
it can't call
as in the end
it's your ball.

If 2 givers were the same,
and one was me
and I gave it away,
and the half it took but
it wasn't mine to give;
so strategy is a song,
and I know the lyrics
and I eat it down as I like
the music and 
it's fattening to some,
but it burns off me as 
I am too slick,
I know what to do.

If horizon and earth meet
and they become a place
of ease as you go there
and it is always still ahead;
were do they meet,
it must stop at some point 
and you find it when
you stop in your tracks
and give up;
as that is the plan,
I think as god wants the try...

you try, and try
and horizon is so bright,
isn't is beautiful,
and I remember loving,
and feeling,
and wanting so much more...

The gone is gone
and you can still break
your mold,
she can love again in so many ways:

love of art and words are nice;
love of law,
and learning and helping
warms
and helps her get through life;
music and stupid stuff 
and stickers
and pinterest crap;
it's apart of the whole,
it is apart of her new day.