The reasons of my smile- PART VI

A wanna-be intellectual.
Teaching him Latin;
I'm just an easy southern belle-
actors are so arrogant!

A theater troupe hanger-on,
this time it was easy;
"John Wilkes you are
the scrappiest actor in
the whole Confederacy"

I petted, I pampered 
The whole cast loved me,
as I am Evey Beatrice Shull-
my daddy's is 
Louisiana's cattle baron
and actors are poor.
(I paid for his hair trims,
his drink and clothes;
I showed him the route
and contacts to meet)

I fueled his rage over 
the war and slave rights-
(He was easy to manipulate)

Johnny being famous
we easily got inside;
the theatre was magnificent
and I enjoyed most of the show;
Whilst he waited 
by the private booth,
I made sure his escape 
would be simple 
(Several soldiers 
knocked unconscious 
and I happy I didn't 
have to kill them)
as I knew Johnny
would be hurt.

I loaded the single shot
as he was shaking so hard 
(He didn't see me crying 
and I was white as a ghost)...

So history never ends 
and the shot rang out;
(I was going to let the 
young soldier shoot me
but Johnny loved me
and he stabbed him);
love is my currency,
and I'm very rich;
I can own your soul
but I am so alone.

Pain and
(I am invisible)...
I pushed Johnny out
onto the stage
while I held the door 
to help his escape 
(Hoping he would 
break his neck but
he only broke his leg).

My master whispers,
it became screams
as I tried to ruin his plan-
Now I paid the price...

For the next 616 days
I knew pain 
like a mortal woman 
shouldn't;
each day I was set 
in a woman seconds 
from being murdered,
horribly.
(as somewhere on the earth
deprivation exists;
and I was its victim
with no special powers)

I wake up on day 617;
outside a small town-
my arm sleeve is saturated
with my own blood;
I pull the sleeve up
and I see carved
in my arm...

"Find Jesse James in
this pestilence-filled town;
love him, Lowly, and 
make him rob the bank-
take one soul, 
you'll know which"

I cry.