Jaxon

Tonight, I wrote an eight-page letter to my unborn baby
He has been unborn for two years
Beautiful in my mind, and I know
He’d look like what I see in the mirror
Except he would be perfect
 
Like daddy in the face,
But eyes like my own
My beautiful baby
Should be two years old
 
But I gave into pressure
My mother kept crying
She kept yelling at me
To the point I wished I were dying
 
I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t move
All day long I lay in bed
And held my tummy
Because it was as close as I could get to you
 
When I gave in, I had to be high,
Because I saw you, almost eight weeks,
Just a dot on the screen
But you were still so beautiful to me
 
So they put me to sleep, and when I awoke
My heart was empty, and I felt so cold
I spoke in silence the whole ride home
 
My beautiful baby, I cant express
How much of monster I know I am
I hope you forgive me, I know I was wrong
I’m not afraid of death because that’s where you are