I think my Daddy broke me..

The calendar says it has been ten years or more, since the first time.

I checked the little box again, tracing the number of the year....as if, I could....
do something about it...

I still hear you, stroking my hair...your scent...
your hands were strong.

I remember the deep feeling of spirals in my stomach that day
the one, two, three of the mattress...

They tell me , it has been ten years or more, since little girl...
was..
that day... 

under you, I remember feeling something , ...down there....
was it what I learned about, in school.
I thought everybody was the same....

What does it mean when a man sits on you, is it bad?
Why is skin so important , or eyes....

I still remember you, and for some reason I cry...
but I dont know why...

You simply looked like you were just sitting
with a smile on your face....
you loved me.

When my mother would hit me and tell me I was disgusting..
you embraced me and said I was special....
and they daddy, they tell me it was wrong..
that I was a child and you were.....wrong.
right? wrong?

That day you sat on me was just like any other day
when a girl sits on a bench and reads a book
or a daddy sits on a couch and watches TV

So that day, you sat on me, 
and was I sad? .. 
I cried, inside..
but outside 
I only stared
So, why is it different.....

today ...ten years or more..
I am sad...
but I don't know why

because you were just sitting, 
I felt only a sting of pain
the rest was a wind of rain
a place where there was no insane

your breathe was deep and like a song
my eyes were staring and didnt know...
this thing this song, was wrong.

Daddy, today, I still feel your hands your breath your stare

I tell them, but they say no, it was wrong, wrong was there

I can't get away from that day..
no matter how far I stray
I go up the hills and run really far
I promise I try, I did, I raised the bar

I tried and tried, ran until I couldn't breathe
and the chain you wrapped around my neck
flung me back....
Im like a limp sack
that belongs to you, 
labeled and sealed.

Touched and revealed

the day I became a seat
you broke me
I didn't know



after that day, after playing musical seat...
I'd never be complete