These Small, Red Lines.

By Manperson96

It's a weird feeling,
being fully aware of the small red lines
that are on my wrists.
But no one else is.
No one even notices
and if they do, it was just my cat.

All that food I ate last night
I forced into myself for energy,
it's because I wasn't planning on eating
Just enough to let me live
But enough to feel the pain
The pain of losing something
Losing something you need.

But you came back.
I didn't think you would.
I was planning on taking pain
Pain for you.
I love you.
Don't go.
I'm not ready for you to.
I'm not done making you happy.
You will NOT die sad.
You won't die without us meeting
in person.

I'm sorry.
I told you that I'd put those scissors away
I said I wouldn't get them out again today
But when you left
And I knew what you were planning
I couldn't help it.
I didn't do it badly
And those lines are already gone
You're right
I do want to do it again.
I have to keep myself from them
I don't want to get addicted.
I won't
For you alone.

I love you.
Don't leave me.
You're all I have.
You're the only person who understands
No one else knows what I'm going through
What I'm doing.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave.
Don't.

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.

Published on Thursday, March 14, 2013. Filed under: "Depressed" and "Poetry"

Author's Note:

Please leave helpful comments.

Comments on "These Small, Red Lines."

A former member wrote: I use to cut, and I would do it because the people in my life made me feel so shitty.. Then I found better people to be around and let go of the rest, fuck em'. I also found my one true love.. poetry.. keep writing and letting it out that way. Anytime you feel the need to cut, just write about it. Thanks for sharing and if you need someone to talk to inbox me.
On Sunday, May 26, 2013, Manperson96 (23) wrote:

It always helps to know someone is there. And I agree that writing really helps...but it doesn't always cut it(excuse the horrible pun)the urges always lie beneath the mask of happiness.
A former member wrote: ok this is great
On Wednesday, March 20, 2013, BetaWolfinVA (791) wrote:

this poem reminds me a lot of my rave, the one i kept alive for three years before my courage failed me, and she found a braver man that was the same age
A former member wrote: Reminds me of myself...a lot...scary almost how much.. anyway good write you put a lot of feeling into this and that's what makes it so powerful thank you for writing this.
On Friday, March 15, 2013, Devilish (2633) wrote:

We all have something we do or use or abuse to feel better or feel nothing .. no matter how short lived the healing. i am a horrid drinker.. one shot two shot three shot oh so many more and more.. the first step to recovery .. lol. admittance. admit it .. you did. the other 11 are a lie. take each second as it comes. every day is a new day.. let it be a pretty day even if the atmosphere is ugly and the people in it are even more ugly. never let anyone make you feel worse than you make yourself feel .. you love you. fuck the rest. hugs..
On Friday, March 15, 2013, Manperson96 (23) wrote:

Thank you. It's so hard not to cut. Everytime it's more addicting as invisibledes24 said. I just can't stop. I'm trying really hard though.
A former member wrote: Oh, Darling, self-harm is one of those things that drags you further into addiction each time you do it. Love the poetry, very meaningful.