These Small, Red Lines.

It's a weird feeling,
being fully aware of the small red lines
that are on my wrists.
But no one else is.
No one even notices
and if they do, it was just my cat.

All that food I ate last night
I forced into myself for energy,
it's because I wasn't planning on eating
Just enough to let me live
But enough to feel the pain
The pain of losing something
Losing something you need.

But you came back.
I didn't think you would.
I was planning on taking pain
Pain for you.
I love you.
Don't go.
I'm not ready for you to.
I'm not done making you happy.
You will NOT die sad.
You won't die without us meeting
in person.

I'm sorry.
I told you that I'd put those scissors away
I said I wouldn't get them out again today
But when you left
And I knew what you were planning
I couldn't help it.
I didn't do it badly
And those lines are already gone
You're right
I do want to do it again.
I have to keep myself from them
I don't want to get addicted.
I won't
For you alone.

I love you.
Don't leave me.
You're all I have.
You're the only person who understands
No one else knows what I'm going through
What I'm doing.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave.
Don't.