Faces that mattered so long ago, I now feel indifferent about

Voices that brought emotions are now just static in my ears

I greet them politely when a response is needed,

But I have no call for this

My life is daggered change

People claim their innocence, I just claim forgetfulness

I leave people in my wake, I’m just walking by the days

I haven’t much attention to detail

             You don’t need detail when you don’t need facts

I have a grave for each feeling that’s dead

…For each feeling that’s been read upon my face

When I decided I wanted to be a writer, I had so much to say

Now I’m struggling to write my pseudonym,

             Nixholas Haize Black, a name

Well suited for who I was, I’m grieving my past

Or should I say, what I’ve lost instead?

Priorities change, and so does your state of mind

My mind is still insane, but I’m on another page

I don’t much hate my name, just the memories stitched with it over time

…In fact, I don’t care for that time anymore

The walls I’m surrounded by may have changed over the years

But they are still holding one delicate inconsistent individual

The medications I ingest may have changed over the years

But they are still ‘helping’ one delicate inconsistent individual

The scabs may have turned to scars, but my nails are still painted black

I guess you can lose half of a person, but still gain a good part back

I’m thinking I’ve lost a few things I wouldn’t want to become again

…A few things I can no longer stand

So now I face the question as to why I feel so numb

Perhaps I’m just not comfortable with who I have become

            So soon, it is, so I shall give myself a chance

I don’t want to be the reason why my last name is Black

As I care for the name, not the tracks

            I mentioned this above, why have I come back?

Because a name is identity, and I’ve riddled my mind

            With two names, two people that have different signs

I only ask I do not become blind to change but appreciate its worth

… I cannot let my value be what lies in a hearse

 
-SaintNHB