Dancing With You
By SmuggledOranges
Its a horrible dance,
you'll
stab me in the heart,
if I
change my stance.
You strike
here, and you strike there,
I'm strong,
i put up a fight,
But you're
so beautiful, all I can do is stare
You wait for me to advance,
but i've tried, you block my move,
You don't even give me a chance.
I stumble across the stage,
I don't know what i'm doing,
I'm on the wrong page.
Moving like an angel, dancing like
a pro,
you glide swiftly across the ring,
It looked like you
were moving in slow-mo.
You struck out, hit me right in the
heart,
it made me double over,
there was a bitter taste in my
mouth, tart.
I have to try again, get up on my feet,
The
game isn't over now, i'm not giving up,
without a fight, i'm not
taking my seat.
I block a blow or two,
I'm getting tired
now,
i'm not good enough for you.
I just wanted you to
dance with me,
not against me in this violent game,
where you
shut me down, and I flee.
I want you to be the one who would
give me your hand,
and pull me up, when I was knocked down,
When
I have nothing else, and I was hurt, you'd be my safe-land.
But
we're opponints, and instead, you'd knock me down,
and when you win
this horrible dance,
you'd pick up your girlfriend, my best friend,
and dance around.
You're my best friend too, we're a party
of three,
but we all have to pick sides for their favorite team,
You chose her, and she chose you, and all I have left, is me.
Author's Note:
<3Comments on "Dancing With You"
-
A former member wrote:
I really liked the last line. Very good.
-
A former member wrote:
I liked this. If your date turns into a competition then you have the wrong partner. Are you happy for your friend or upset that she stole your date?
-
On Saturday, November 5, 2011, dwells
(4177) wrote:
Three's a crowd and nicely done, perhaps time to move on? (and get a new friend too) Thanks.
-
A former member wrote:
First things first, you should spell check this a little more thoroughly. Also i think you meant "swiftly" not "siftly". On to the piece itself. I like the concept, and its evident that you're new to writing so this was good for a fresher pen, but its repetitive in parts. I think it could use a little smoothing over. Some of the stanzas were a little forced, less poetic and more like youre just talking, you know? My advice is to maybe shorten it a little, and make it more elegant, it IS about a dance, as brutal as the dance may be, i think it would tie in well if you made it flow a little more. Maybe mix up your word choice some. You have a good foundation, it just needs to be a little less like a dialogue, and more of a show. Just my two cents.
-
On Saturday, November 5, 2011, maddin foxxxy
(358) wrote:
I've been in this kind of "dance". I love the thrill and mystery of how all came to place in the end. Thank u for this