A Letter; So What

yes I am introverted

I am an artist

I am a poet

I am a musician

trying to concoct

and  weave evil spells

to trans-loot

and penetrate

to free your minds

ask yourself a question

when did I stop thinking

for myself

was it at the age of five

when my mommy

left me all alone

to the mercy of the mind rapers

was it at the age of ten

when my cousin was so brutally murdered

it was obvious

they ruled that gruesome death

another suicide

was it at the age of twelve

when I began to take the trip

getting high and drinking

spinning out of control

the shit still hasn't ended

or was it when you crushed my dreams

and made me think that I was nothing

never supporting my endeavors

feeding me

a punch drunk blanket

of stolen lies

I try to remember

all the crazy shit

but it all blends together

mixing up events

lost in time

spinning reality

with the abnormality

of one simple minded thought

a declaration of no surprise

WHY!

WHY THIS!!

WHY THAT!!!

Why didn't anyone warn me

That the day would come

that I would be so confused

that I would feel so all alone

left to the abuse

and the need to feel acceptance

with the overwhelming fear

that puts you under

and leaves you

cowering in the corner

screaming silent whimpers

of an infant being left alone

remembering birth

and then being circumcised

I continue to punish myself

seeing others live their  dreams

and me sitting back

taking it easy

letting you walk all over me

and occupying my thoughts

always wondering

what did I do wrong

I just wanted to be happy

to live the life

have a family

 you said you loved me

but you've left me

in this night mare

an old

warn out shell

that used to be a man

SO!!!

WHY!!!

WON'T!!!

YOU!!!

LEAVE!!!

ME!!!

BE!!!