And as I held him in my arms for the very first time, I wanted to cry, for I had just been through the worst pain ever, and at the same time had realized the most confusing, yet at the same time, best thing had happened to me. As I sat there holding him, I didnt want to let go, I didnt ever want to let go. So many thoughts ran through my head. What do i do next? what if Im a bad mom? What if he grows up to hate me? what about the daddy, will he always be there for me like he had promised in the past? What about the future, my future, the kids future, his dads future? Would I really make it in life being such a young mom? I have had so many doubts, and at the same time try to tell myself I can really do this. And the ironic part is I am doing it, and its stressful, and sometimes I cry about it, but all in all it was worth it. And I am now dedicated to him for life, and as scary as that is, its worth it. mabey there really is a God and my baby was given to me for a reason, because he does fill the void I have been wanting gone for so many years, and its the best feeling ever.