OK so early I wrote a post. I've been feeling very stressed out lately. I've been working to the bone trying to find success and working for my aunt who treats me like dirt. I would never actually hurt myself I was caught by surprise by my words. But I just let it flow out of me. I guess I don't need to apologize for my writings but I do have a type A personality and I obsessively worry what others think of me. I guess it stems from child hood or some psychobabble like that. People always made me feel like I was never good enough. Now with the fact that we might lose our house and the other day I was driving home and some people had there stuff scattered on the lawn. I didn't know that they could actually do that. Pair that with the fact that I can't discuss it with my mom because she is either in denial about it and acts like she doesn't want to hear about it which I really can't blame her I wish I could erase the situation as well. But I can't we can't. Or she gets defensive like I blame her which I don't this situation is happening to so many people how could I blame her. It's just the way the economy is right now it's bad for everyone or almost everyone. I feel like I can not discuss this with my boyfriend as he has his own stuff going on right now and I can't burden him I feel like I've burden him enough in the past I don't need to burden him anymore. Then all it does is depress him and he needs to focus on himself right now. But even my grandma and no one else knows the situation so all that really leaves me with is my writing. Which, if I can't be honest in my writings then seriously what's the point of writing at all. It would just be a waste of time if I had to pretend even in my writings. I pretend enough as it is one less thing that has to be sugar coted or an act so much the better for me. I've put on a show my entire life. I've kept so much to myself. If I can't be honest in the one thing I have left that gives me pleasure then seriously what's the point. I know life will not always be like this. I know that I we will find someway to not end up on the street I hope. I know I will not always have to work for my aunt. I know that I will make my dreams come true one day and find some success. I know it can't all turn out all right overnight this is not a fairy tale it's real life.