The Haunting of Mr. Lombale
By Efamilia
'Twas upon the cusp of dawning
When I awoke one early morning
To the sound of certain screaming
Though unsure if I’d been dreaming
To the bedknob I was nearing
Still unsure what I’d been hearing
Brassing somehow for the door
And of what might stand before
My tired eyes wide open
Yet no whisper had I spoken
When a voice echoed to me
“Who art thou, that dost beseech me?â€
My shaking voice, though coming frail
Somehow uttered, “Mr. Lombaleâ€
Staring through darkness upon the door
Though the voice said nothing more
Just an echo from the door
As I inched for something more
Just a whisper, felt afore
Just an echo, nothing more
My mind now in distortion
Had no fear, to tread with caution
And I stepped into the hall
Eyeing shadows on the wall
Then the light began to change
And the shadows disarranged
As the voice came through once more
“Why art thou before my door?â€
I stumbled at his question
Awaiting somehow, some suggestion
Knowing nothing of this door
That I supposedly stood before
So in demand, I spoke, though brief
“Who art thou, that givest me grief?â€
Hoping defiance would bring a cease
I went to return to bed in peace
And then it came, the sudden force
Pulling me backwards, to all discourse
I closed my eyes and started to pray
When then I came to, in a hospital bay
Bleary-eyed and feeling weary
Yet still with that sense of something eerie
I sat up straight in the hospital bed
And then it came, that voice and said
“Maybe next year
Maybe in four
Till then I don’t want
You and Death keeping scoreâ€
Comments on "The Haunting of Mr. Lombale"
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On Friday, February 8, 2008, Alanarchy
(1168) wrote:
Most definately Poe-esque. I don't believe the olde english to be TOO stuffy. However, I'd think it would have been more original not to have bothered with it. I don't mean to take from your hard work, and I'm not saying this isn't a good piece, and this it isn't already clever, and original. But as I said, it is VERY like 'The Raven' by Poe. That may have been your intention. But, my thoughts are, I would have liked to see it more like you. Just my two cents. Write on.
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On Saturday, February 9, 2008, Efamilia
(15) wrote:
To be honest, I actually wrote this as a tribute of sorts, as 'the raven' is possibly my favourite of the classic works. It sounds so natural to read; yet I've found trying to emulate that style when writing, to be nothing but frustrasting! At least I've, so far, gotten away without the wrath I was fearing from obsessive "Poe" fans! Cheers for the comments, btw - I'm going back to my own style now :)
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On Saturday, February 9, 2008, Alanarchy
(1168) wrote:
I dig it. Please don't think that I didn't very much enjoy the read, because I did.
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A former member wrote:
damnit! I was going to say poe-esque :P
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On Friday, February 8, 2008, Alanarchy
(1168) wrote:
Squirrelly strikes again!
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A former member wrote:
this was still very good. ~ hdb.
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On Friday, February 8, 2008, Efamilia
(15) wrote:
* Still not sure about the Old English, let us know if I stuffed it up. That line in the third stanza nearly got replace with "Who art thou? Dost thou beseech thee?" Oh well, let us know what you think :)
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On Friday, February 8, 2008, Efamilia
(15) wrote:
Ha! I even stuffed up the comment, I meant to say "...Dost thou beseech me?"