Jacked

There’s this old familiar feeling
of being all fucking alone again
washing over me
today.

It’s not the getting stood up thing
that triggered it, either,
but the way when I ran into her
she acted like its no big deal,
that got me going,

so that when I saw her
at noon
and she seemed like
I wasn’t even there,
it left me all hollowed out
and distant feeling
and I had to leave.

On the way back to where i was going,
I ran into first one friend,
and then another.

They waved
and honked,
and I waved and honked back,

though in fact
it was as if
I was on the wrong end
of a telescope
looking out
at stuff that seemed
farther away
then it really is.

I’m an untethered balloon.
It isn’t a bad thing,
floating around
above all them happy people;
you get to see all kinds of cool stuff.

But every once in awhile,
I get to wondering
what it might feel like
being truly jacked into the grid,

though either because of all them,
or all of me,
that’s never
really ever
going to happen.