Rambling #1

Depression, what is it? Some people say it's just a state of mind. Some say it isn't true... Others say it's a lie. What is it to you? To me, it's very much real. It lurks around every corner. It's there when I wake up, when I go to sleep, when I'm working. It's everywhere. It consumes me. Hides in the shadows, in the sun, in the flowers, in the very people around me. Some people think I'm crazy when I think the way I do. Some people hate me, some people love me, some people could careless about me, I'm just another person in the world to them. But what do you think? To be honest, I could care less what people think of me. I am who I am. My Depression gets the better of me and to be honest, sometimes I don't care because it's at those points of my day that some people really listen to me and my ideals. Sometimes I think it's out of pity that they listen to me. 

In my darkest times, I feel the world crushing down around me. Consuming my very essence. My aura turns black with hatred, my love, my care, go out the window and I couldn't care less what happens to me. My mind is my own, I control it. I decide what will happen. I decide how I will be. My depression will not run my life, it will not control me, I control it. Sometimes once in a blue moon, it gets out of control but I don't care because I know that 9 times out of 10, I am the one in control. You see me as you see me, you hear me as you hear me, you speak to me as you would any other person but do you really care what you hear? What you see? Do you really care if I'm short and fat? Tall and Skinny? short and skinny? tall and fat? You see, you don't see the person behind the screen name

You don't see me as you would another person. In fact, you judge before you know me. You judge the book by the cover, not by the contents. You judge me because I speak my mind. But what are you really judging? Are you judging because so many before you have judged you? Do you judge a person because by the end of the day, you are only judging how you feel about yourself? Do you really listen to the voice inside your head that says "I'm Better Than Everyone Else?" Do you let that voice control you because that's how you were in high school? Everyone is a person and every person has a heart and every heart beats just the same as any other. There are some with cardiac problems but are you really going to judge them because of one problem?

We are who we are. We may be different on the outside, some of us might be stupid, some of us might be smart, some might be tall, some might be short, some might be fat, some might be skinny, some might be old, some might be young, some might be tattooed, some might be pierced, some might be both, some might be clean, some might be dirty, some might have a problem I didn't list. But in the end, we all have the same organs, a heart, lungs, kidneys, livers, stomachs, etc. You get my point. But would you still judge us for something that we can't control?

Well I will end this for now and I will continue to move about my day like I would any other day and I will bid you all a good night/morning/day.