Comments by stormtalk
- "I would call you a retard, but I would be offending retards. Gee, you're right, telling my friend she has a sexy body and blowing kisses to my girlfriend is truly poetic. If you were here, I would kick you in the ribs just for being such a stupid cock."
Posted by stormtalk on "The Outsider" by Soulseeker
- "A lot of things will get you beaten up in the subway that shouldn't. I don't see what the fuck that has to do with commenting on someone's poem. Care to explain? Or are you just dodging the fact that I made you look like the total assfuck you are?"
Posted by stormtalk on "The Outsider" by Soulseeker
- "She requested my comments, goblinfucker. But wait, you're right - why would anyone want to help someone else write better, except to make themselves feel important? God, I'm so fucking selfish. I sure wish someone like you would teach me otherwise."
Posted by stormtalk on "The Outsider" by Soulseeker
- "Overall - good work, and huge improvement from the last I read (not that that wasn't a good poem as well). Your ideas are just as great as they've always been, but your structure and your processing of your thoughts are both improving visibly."
Posted by stormtalk on "The Outsider" by Soulseeker
- "36: This line is interesting. Where does power come from? Are you truly concerned with holding the power, are you proud of it, are you worried that maybe you don't, in fact, hold the power? Or that you're missing out on something?"
Posted by stormtalk on "The Outsider" by Soulseeker
- "Do you want to say that these people have no hope of reform and that they will *never* experience beauty, or do you want to say that *as long as they remain that way* they never will? 34-35: I agree with the first two lines."
Posted by stormtalk on "The Outsider" by Soulseeker
- "26-30: My guess is not much, unfortunately. Some people grow up; others don't... hopefully, more of these poor fools will grow up than not. 31-32: I know exactly how you feel... but be careful with your words here:"
Posted by stormtalk on "The Outsider" by Soulseeker
- "but if you can combine that with a unique way of phrasing it, you'll make the rest of DP jealous from all the books you'll be selling. 17-18: Simpleless rocks my socks. 19-20: Confused me a bit. 21-25: Fucking awesome. Incredible work on these lines."
Posted by stormtalk on "The Outsider" by Soulseeker
- "14-16: I like how "choose to change" sounds - it has a nice ring to it. For these three lines, I think you could find more unique ways to say them. It's talented of you to describe ways that many people feel and don't always verbalize - "
Posted by stormtalk on "The Outsider" by Soulseeker
- "8-10: Rock on with not giving the bastards the gratification of tears. Tears are interesting... there's such conflicted symbolism in them. Anyway... 11-13: Fridays, not Fridays. Also, I think you do care - you just don't think it's bad! And I love that."
Posted by stormtalk on "The Outsider" by Soulseeker
- "Okay, time for lots of comments, so I'll refer to lines by number :) 1-5: nice rhythm, it sounds almost musical. 6-7: I would replace "drench" with a verb to match a cloak better, but you did a good job of re-wording the lines to make them work together."
Posted by stormtalk on "The Outsider" by Soulseeker
- "This work holds great ideas, especially the idea of awakening the ignored places in a person. Also - wander, not wonder, and pierce, not perice. I particularly like the transition throughout the work from physical to more theoretical/thoughful."
Posted by stormtalk on "Touch Me" by Soulseeker
- ""Shattered glass" is an example of a spot where you could do that. Overall, though, great work - and once again, I think not rhyming for a while will put you on the path to some amazing work. Keep it up!"
Posted by stormtalk on "The Collage" by Soulseeker
- "My suggestion for improvement is that you spread the same analogy (the collage) throughout the poem and use words that would be associated with it (glue, cut-outs, colors, etc.) to describe what you want to describe."
Posted by stormtalk on "The Collage" by Soulseeker
- "Quite an original and beautiful concept... and good work not rhyming. I think that by freeing yourself of rhyme schemes, your poem stuck more closely to the original topic and dove more deeply into it."
Posted by stormtalk on "The Collage" by Soulseeker
- "Nicely done. I like the content of your poems very much, although I think it would hit harder and be more intriguing if you let yourself give up AA BB CC rhyme schemes."
Posted by stormtalk on "One Eye Weeping" by Soulseeker
